; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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