I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
