Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
