Define "chronic" masturbator.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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