There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
