guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and i looked up. we had an audience...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I touched a dick in church today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
