Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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