I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize