My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
