I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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