She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
