who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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