So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
