I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex on a dog bed..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
