I bet he comes in French.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
