The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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