This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize