Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
