so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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