ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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