Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
