Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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