why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
