Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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