i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
