we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
