I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
