We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
