How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
