Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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