I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
