I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize