Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
