Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
