I'm really into asian looking animals
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
