You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
