Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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