They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
