My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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