I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nutella sex= disaster
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize