Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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