Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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