Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
