dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
