dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
