Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
