i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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