I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
