Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
