dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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