Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize