My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize