I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Duck Duck Cougar?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
