Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
