Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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