This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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