Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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