Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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