Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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