Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
