We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
