Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
