i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
