Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's Friday. Sex?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
