Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
